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Best of the Worst: June 11, 2015

June 11, 2015, 9:38 pm
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Hi readers, and sorry for not posting last week (I was busy). Please accept this photo of Dahye as my sincere apology.




Anywho, this week in bad kpop we've got idol shit talking, an embarrassing manager, and the pot calling the kettle slutty.



I can beez flexible like Dahye.




BESTies say, "Dahye hwaiting! Yoga pants hwaiting!"

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Best of the Worst: June 18, 2015

June 18, 2015, 8:29 pm
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This week in bad kpop, we've got excessive aegyo, an idol sparking fan wars and two separate items that somehow involve Zico.


Zico and Hyuna — the devil's OTP



  • G-Dragon causes massive pantie bunching when asked what differentiates Big Bang from groups like SHINee and Exo. Apparently pointing out that BB makes their own songs is a real sore point with some.

So much to say, but I ain't got time.

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Best of the Worst: June 25, 2015

June 25, 2015, 7:51 pm
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Welcome back, everyone. This week, we've got idols compared to Western artists, an extreme diet, and an idol suspected of cocaine use.


No, it's not CL, though her life choices are beginning to concern me.


Who wore it better?


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Best of the Worst: July 2, 2015

July 3, 2015, 12:41 am
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Despite all the girl group comebacks, great and not-so-great, this summer, kpop news is still somehow inundated with Big Bang bullshit. Namely, people upset at Big Bang.

Now, I understand if Taecyeon is upset with BB, since his group got publicly shat upon in favor of G-
Dragon and the Boyz.

But other BB-butthurt news bewilders me.

One of these things is not as hot as the other one. 

Whodathunkit?


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Best of the Worst: July 10, 2015

July 10, 2015, 9:20 pm
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I'm a little late on this week's post. But hey, I never promised reliability, did I?

Kpop media's been extra obsessed with female idols and their hair this week, and I don't get it. In a time where Girl's Day flashed their goodies to the world, we get this:


You shitting me?


    This week on "Martha Sohyun Living," Sohyun teaches viewers
    how to make homemade soju sprayers. It's a good thing.
  • M3LAQ's G.O also changed his hair. He'd be cute if he shaved off that facial hair immediately and never talked about it again. 


Slip her the tongue!
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Best of the Worst: July 16, 2015

July 16, 2015, 8:26 pm
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Halloween is still months away, but I saw something recently that frightened me to my very core. No, it wasn't the first of Hara's "Choco Chip Cookie" stages.

It was something much worse.

Boy group animal "plushies." (I can't even type that word without quotes, because it disgusts me so much.) Basically, they are the most obnoxious pieces of cutesy bullshit ever. And most of them don't even look anything like the idols they're portraying.

Do not scroll down if you're feeling suicidal. I don't want this post to be the thing that finally pushes you over the edge. That's what family's for.




Die.


Die quicker.


Die by that bear's hand.

Oh, fine, just kill me instead.



Mino's so hot, he'll make you "open your legs like you’re at the gynecologist’s,"
according to himself, that is.
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Best of the Worst: July 23, 2015

July 23, 2015, 11:07 pm
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Can you believe it? It's already been a week. And that means more shitty kpop news.

Today we've got a hip-hop star going (back) to prison, a questionable MV model choice, and poor Nine Muses.




At least Shin Min Ah will be known as "the hot one"
in this relationship.
  • The model in Super Junior's surprisingly good "Devil" video is 14. Mind you, the average age of the nine active Super Junior members is 29.4 (or a whopping combined age of 265). That is all.





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G-Friend Comes Back With Me Gustas Tu, Still No Hints What the 'G' Stands For

July 24, 2015, 1:36 pm
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My Spanish is real rusty but I think that means, "More ass shots of Shinb and Yerin."
G-Friend came back with a new M/V, Me Gustas Tu. I haven't really paid much attention to them except I know one of the members asked her PS for the 'Sica' and their asses are pretty decent. No, what I'm really concerned with is figuring out what that damn 'G' stands for. I've compiled a few possibilities.




Gangsta-Friend

German-Friend

Germ-Friend

Ghost-Friend

Gumby-Friend


I'm seriously all out of ideas.
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Review: Primary "Don't Be Shy," featuring Choa and IRON

July 24, 2015, 10:30 pm
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Is Primary's new song the sleeper hit of this summer?




Ajusshi introduced me to Primary's newest release, "Don't Be Shy," on Twitter yesterday, and I have been hooked on it since.




The song pairs reggae beats with vocals from AOA's Choa, a combination I previously didn't realize I needed. The song also features IRON, who you might recognize from "Show Me the Money 3" or the pussy-popping anthem of female empowerment that was "Puss."

Listening to "Don't Be Shy" immediately reminded me of Manu Chao, whose "Me Gustas Tu" has been in my head all week because of some nugu group who won't be named. "Don't Be Shy" is the perfect song to chill out to with friends and alcohol. (Or, depending on your preferences, just friends. Or, depending on your situation, just alcohol. Whatevs, I'm not judging. You just do you, baby.)

Most importantly, "Don't Be Shy" proves that Choa can carry a song. It's particularly evident here in which Choa sings all but 25 seconds. And who knew IRON fit so well with reggae? Can we please get a Choa/IRON reggae project group?


No? No takers? You know what, fuck you all. ChoIRON is a match made in Heaven.


The music video elevates the whole experience. It actually creeps me out, too. Sure, Ladies' Code already nailed the creepy, dismembered doll concept in "Hate You," and 2ne1's "It Hurts" gave me skeleton-themed nightmares for weeks because of model Lee Soo Hyuk. But "Don't Be Shy" takes spooky to another level with its "séance sleepover" concept. The video is shot perfectly for this, alternating between sharp, modern production shots and scenes that look like they came from a found-footage VHS tape, circa 1997.


How about a kpop remake of "The Craft" starring AOA?
Surely, there's gotta be some takers for that.

Is this the future of kpop? I hope so.


BOTTOM LINE: Choa and a winning MV concept elevate Primary's "Don't Be Shy" above most of this summer's offerings.



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Review: Beast "YeY"

July 26, 2015, 3:11 pm
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Could there be a better visual metaphor for Beast's latest song, "YeY," than Hyunseung wallowing in a pile of garbage?



No.

Beast released "Gotta Go to Work" last week ahead of their eighth mini album, "Ordinary." I hadn't heard much about the group's comeback, and I was delightfully surprised with their pre-release track. "Gotta Go to Work" isn't strong enough to lead an album, but it's chill and pleasant to listen to and comes with an amusing MV.




So I got a little excited for their official comeback song, despite apprehension about its name, "YeY." As a kpop fan, I'm used to good songs with terrible names, like "Sexy Love,""Bing Bing,""HuH," etc.

Turns out, I should have taken that name as a sign of the garbage within. The song is an instantly forgettable, generic club non-jam. It feels like it's trying to recreate the energetic atmosphere of "Beautiful Night" but fails miserably.

Even the music video can't salvage "YeY." In fact, it only adds more reasons to stay far away from it. The camera switches shots so frequently it makes T-ara's "Sugar Free" look relaxing. I began to get a headache trying to mentally process the club scene. No joke.

The woman in the white shirt is literally me: unimpressed with this shit.

Yeah, watching Beast get wasted at a club would be pretty enjoyable — if I had more than a quarter of a second to take everything in.


Kikwang pours one out for this scene.


Worst of all, Hyunseung has transmitted the bad-hair disease. Usually, just Hyunseung looks like an escaped mental patient in Beast's videos. Now, even formally hottest member Junhyung is afflicted.




Thank goodness for Doojoon, who's easily the hottest member in the video, snaggletooth and all.


Well, what would you know? It's literally me again.


BOTTOM LINE:"YeY" is terrible, and almost everyone in it looks terrible. Watch "Gotta Go to Work" instead.



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Best of the Worst: July 30, 2015

July 30, 2015, 10:21 pm
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Welcome back, everyone. We've got quite the collection of kcrap today. There's an idol who kisses people when she's drunk, YG's confession and G-Dragon's sick ride.


Please take me for a ride, GD.


Victoria wants you to flex your fingers with her.
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Best of the Worst: Aug. 7, 2015

August 7, 2015, 11:59 pm
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Sorry for being flaky and late again. I'd provide you with a real-life excuse, but nobody cares about that. So onto The Best of the Worst.

This week, we've got an idol group pleading to come back, spooky kpop, and nudity! Because of this last item, we've rated this post as "R" and ask that anyone under 18 refrain from clicking the "Read more" button.

So please, children, get the fuck out like Auntie IU says.




  • For those looking for a good scare, you should go somewhere else. But for those of you who are desperate with low standards, here's a post about spooky kpop. 


Serious question, readers: Is Jeremy Scott wearing underwear
under his adult-sized jort overalls?
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Best of the Worst: Aug. 13, 2015

August 13, 2015, 10:49 pm
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We've got quite a variety for you in this week's Best of the Worst. There's an actor who needs a police escort to use the bathroom, the gay community's list of favorite male idols, and a former kpop idol trying her hand at Chinese variety shows.





  • Is your male bias an icon for the gay community? Find out here!


I dream of the day in which I can be
described by the phrase "Legs spread back line."
Please wish me luck in my new goal.
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Best of the Worst: Aug. 21, 2015

August 21, 2015, 10:25 pm
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Today, I present you with a golden opportunity: a chance to sleep in Oppa's bed!

Yes, Oppa G-Dragon is hosting a promo in which five lucky fans will get the chance to spend a few days and nights in his old studio (Filthy Westerners need not apply).


I welcome you to my home away from home —
now please take the bedsheets with you when you leave. 

The face of freedom

    Taeyeon backs dat car up.
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Best of the Worst: Aug. 27, 2015

August 27, 2015, 10:12 pm
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Welcome to a very educational edition of Best of the Worst.

In the following links, you'll learn how to keep your face flawless like Cheetah, which celeb is 10 times quirkier than Henry and which member of iKON is kind of a dick.




  • The breakup of all the best couples continues. First, it was Tiffany and Nichkhun, then Yoona and that derpy fellow, and now Kiko and her boyfriend.


Including this one we made of Hyuna slapping dat ass

* Note: Also, that Koreaboo post originally ran six months ago. So it's also an excuse to RE-post someone's favorite spanking gifs.
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Best of the Worst: Sept. 3, 2015

September 3, 2015, 9:30 pm
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Hello again, friends! This week in ridiculous kpop news, we have a rapper who is most definitely not in a sex tape, a model whose breasts are most definitely not fake, and Namjoo:




Future chipmunk couple?


From here, we can observe a Seolhyun gathering ice cream to take back to her nest.
Beautiful creature.

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Take care of your damn performers

September 5, 2015, 4:14 pm
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Earlier today, GFRIEND performed in what proved to be the most painful kpop stage in recent memory.

Literally.

Thank goodness they didn't do their leapfrog move.

I don't give two flying fucks about GFRIEND normally, but these girls deserve way more respect than they were given here. When a member is kicking puddles of water away from her dance space before she begins, you know there's a problem. When there's more than one slip in a performance, you know there's a problem. When a poor idol in a knee brace has to repeatedly pick herself up from the stage (with a damn smile on her face, no less), you know there's a problem. 

Whoever allowed the group to perform in these conditions should be ashamed. This was incredibly painful to watch, and I can only imagine how painful and degrading it was to have to do.

All I gotta say is I have new respect for GFRIEND for putting up with this shit.

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Best of the Worst: Sept. 10, 2015

September 10, 2015, 8:34 pm
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Hola, friends! We are back with another round of Best of the Worst. This week, we have an idol with naughty hands, a drunk star making a scene during someone else's performance, and an epic battle of "Who Wore It Better"— Seolhyun or Cardboard Cutout Seolhyun?



Jackson's the kind of boy Hani wants to bring home to mother
  • Exo-Ls disobey "Sketchbook" rules, while Koreaboo continues its practice of wildly exaggerated headlines. Someone should create a Koreaboo headline generator. It could be like Mad Libs: just plug in your favorite group's name, a hyperbolic verb, and a number, to be safe.

Shocking, I know.
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Best of the Worst: Sept. 17, 2015

September 17, 2015, 9:37 pm
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Wow, people were really mad this week about all kinds of stupid shit. There's always some people making a big deal about nothing, but this week had a much higher than average pissy meter.

Netizens got "outraged" at a company's choice of transportation for their singer, an idol's choice of bra, and lipstick application.


I think you got a little, uh, something on your lip.

Dammit, Wheein! We could have see a Hwasa nip slip.
  • Fans think 2ne1's Dara should have debuted under SM. Reasons include her natural freshness, her immortal beauty, and the likelihood that Lee Soo Man would have helped adjust her nasally singing. That's really just a nice way of saying she's pretty and can't sing, like a lot of SM's artists.


Why didn't you consult me about this beforehand, Eunjung?
Didn't you consider my feelings at all before you chose that bra?
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Best of the Worst: Sept. 25, 2015

September 25, 2015, 11:20 pm
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Hello, everyone. Are you ready to lose more brain cells? Then join us for another round of Best of the Worst!

Today we have a meaningful and enlightening discussion about female idols' thighs, an idol who likes late-night drunk food, and a really weird campaign with VIXX:




Poor Eunjung
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